Always Ask If You Can Save For Half

I am a terrible blogger. I have a main blog that I update with the same post once a year, and maybe it gets another post in between when the mood strikes me. My intention was to post there weekly, and it… did not happen.

This one will SURELY be better!

The impetus for this blog was my Twitter account where I just talk geek stuff, and every so often I go on a tweetstorm that turns into like 17 tweets and should really just be a blog post. I don’t get a lot of interaction there because my opinions are probably bad and I’m terrible at hashtagging, which can be frustrating at times. If I’m going to scream into a void, it may as well be a void of my own creation.

So, without further ado: Here be dragons (and dungeons). I have been playing TTRPGS since 1992, starting with AD&D 2nd Edition. I’ve been around the block, and I have opinions that many people do not share.

They’re my opinions. You have your opinions. You are welcome to them. You are welcome to disagree with mine. Do you love TTRPGs? Cool. Seriously – feel free to disagree. It’s just a game, and these are just my opinion of a game. My opinions are typically cantankerous and grumpy, but you know what? I wouldn’t have arrived at them if I didn’t care. I hope you care, even if you disagree. If you think D&D 4th Edition was the greatest edition, that’s fine by me. Personally, I think it’s awful, but I’m not going to yuck your yum or harsh your buzz.

All I ask is the same respect, because I’m definitely going to post opinions here that you won’t like.

BUT ANYWAY, here’s how I got the name for my Twitter account, and this blog:

Story Time!

Way back in the day, when I was playing 2nd Edition, my usual group was myself and my two friends Ray and Jim. We played a *lot* of D&D and it bled into the real world in hilarious ways. Here’s my favorite story:

Jim ran most of the games, but his parents were fully committed to the Satanic Panic, and at one point they’d torched all his books, claiming they heard demons shrieking as they burned. This did not deter him even in the slightest. We were always sneaking around to play D&D, usually at Ray’s house. Suffice it to say, Stranger Things brings back some memories.

One day as we’re gaming, the party is split up somehow and Jim is doing an extended scene with Ray, while I’m just crashed on the other side of Ray’s bed reading a sourcebook. At some point, Jim gets super frustrated that Ray isn’t getting the point to something. Finally, Jim gets so frustrated, he just grabs all the dice in front of him, rolls all of them, and starts spouting off numbers. “YOU TAKE FIFTEEN MILLION, TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY-THREE THOUSAND, FOUR HUNDRED SEVENTY-THREE POINTS OF DAMAGE!”

There’s this tense moment of silence as Ray is fairly certain his character has just been hyper-murdered. Finally, I crane my head up over the bed, and very calmly say “Ray, ask if you can save for half.

Jim goes super red for a second, Ray’s eyes go wide, and then Jim just falls off his chair laughing.

MANY YEARS LATER, Jim is getting married. He’s asked both Ray and I to give toasts, which I agree to but am terrified about because I hate public speaking. Ray is great, he just talks, and everyone loves it, where I am a hot mess. I have no idea what to say, and I know Ray is going to give an epic, 10-minute toast, and then I have to follow it. I’m so stressed, but then I realize that there is no way to follow Ray, so I’m not going to try. Just going to keep it simple. As expected, Ray gives an amazing speech, and hands the mic over to me. I explain that there is really no way to follow that, so I offer my usual toast, “May this be the worst day of the rest of your lives,” and then, standing at the head table, facing Jim and his parents, I finish with “and Jim, if you’re ever in real trouble and losing an argument badly, just ask her if you can save for half.” Jim’s face went bright red.

Only the three of us really knew what it meant. Everyone clapped anyway, even Jim’s parents.

So welcome. Prepare for some truly gnarly greybeard griping.

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1 year ago

[…] this by saying that: a) Spelljammer was one of my favorite settings from 2nd Edition, and b) I am a mad old greybeard. Your mileage may vary, you may disagree with me, and that is quite alright. I am going to try to […]

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